Ages ago when I went back to work after being a full-time stay at home mom for years, I got a job in customer service at home goods retail store that is no longer in business. The way the store was set up the customer service desk was a box-like structure in the center of the store and it always felt like a fishbowl to me. Everyone could see exactly what you were doing at every moment.
Online dating reminds me of that.
Only instead of wearing a uniform, you are sitting naked in the fishbowl with reverse window tint where everyone can see you, but you cannot see them. AND THEY ARE JUDGING YOU!
Think about it.
We find the best selfies and pictures we have on our phones and our social sites and post them on these dating apps. If you aren’t comfortable with yourself, you post only head shots. If you are, you post more body shots(insert shirtless man holding a fish on a snowboard with his kids/mother/last girlfriend swinging a golf club. Oh, I am sure if someone could legit Photoshop that one, they would!). If someone likes what you look like, they swipe right. If they do not - over to the left, you go!
We share, not so intimate, details about ourselves. What we like. What we don’t like. Who we like. Who we don’t like. Where we like to go. What we like to do. What we don’t like to do. And, who we would like to do it with.
We get cute and put emojis on our profiles to share what we like because the character count is too small to share everything (which, by the way, leaves extraordinarily little to chat about later. SO many guys will say “look at my emojis, that should tell you what I like”. Oh really?! So, the emojis show your depth, what you believe in, and where you want to go in life? Cool. Swipe left….)
And we are judged, weighed, and analyzed. Or, as they say in "A Knight's Tale" - You have been weighed, You have been measured, and You have been found wanting.
We say things like: “If you are a Trump supporter swipe left (no offense)” -their words, not mine-, “If you don’t like to be cuddled, swipe left”, “If you aren’t active, swipe left”, “If you are not HWP, swipe left.”
OK, the last one is my personal favorite because it says a lot about the people posting it. It tells me that they are looking for a trophy and HWP means a non-mom bod. (Actually, it means height, weight proportionate, but I like non-mom bod better).
I am a firm believer in you have to be attracted to someone to get the ball rolling. But I am also a firm believer in being realistic and realistically, most of us at this age may be pushing the HWP requirement. And, that's OK, it goes with the aging territory.
I was chatting/texting with a guy a few days ago and unexpectedly, he called me. OK that by itself is a crime against humanity!! How dare he not check to see what I was doing? I hardly talk to my friends on the phone, WHY would I want to talk to a virtual stranger, who by the way, had ghosted me and then contacted me again…. Red flag anyone?
Anyhow, after the initial shock of the unscheduled call, I answered and listened to him pontificate on the merits of the women up where I live compared to the women down where he lives (about 50 miles south of me).
J: You know most of the women around me are just too earthy-crunchy and have mom bods. (Ummm, I have a mom bod….)
Me: Well, what happens when you become a mom?
J: Yeah, well, I know, but still. No offense to anyone, but most of these women are watermelon round.
Me: Oh really? (watermelon round? How do these women find pants that fit if that is the case?) I would think most people in Colorado are not watermelon round because it is one of the fittest states in the nation. And, I think it is a requirement to be somewhat healthy before you move here (heavy on the sarcasm).
J: (I learned that afternoon that sarcasm is totally lost on J)-Well it isn’t enforced.
I must pause here. I looked at the phone, just stared at it for a minute and thought, oh my God! He is serious. Really serious. How, how is he still a functioning adult?!
Me: Well, most of us are not perfect. We all have our things, that is kind of what makes us interesting and gives us great stories to tell. (I have to admit, I was pretty proud of myself for that answer. Very deep).
J: Yeah well, are you HWP?
Me: You saw my pics, what do you think?
I am going to leave it there.
Now, to be fair to J. His pictures portray him as a somewhat healthy man who looks like he takes care of himself (I never met him in person), who has a decent job, and a family. Eventually, we both decided we just were not right for each other because of varying beliefs (like I think everyone should be who they are and not hide it and well, he doesn’t).
Jim Morrison wrote, “People are strange when you’re a stranger”. Now, I know that he wrote these lyrics when he was depressed, but in this case, they really seem to fit.
People are strange.
And, we continue with this strange way of putting ourselves out there in these odd little self-made fishbowls with the reverse window tint. Swiping left and right, until we find what we are looking for. Not really knowing who or, in some cases what, we are looking for. Yet we keep doing it. So....
Here's to hoping we all do find it, whatever that IT may be!
And, may that IT ever be HWP!
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