It's a beautiful Colorado Saturday afternoon and I am sitting at my desk thinking I need to go for a run before it gets too late, but I want to get this blog started today or I never will do it, and besides I promised J I would get it up and running this weekend. J and R are two of my besties.
Yes, at 48 I use that word. Deal with it.
I have a few other besties around the country, and I share some of my crazy dating adventures with them, but J and R have been around since I started dating again. They have seen the best and the worst of me and I love them for that. They are also the two that have talked me into some of the stupidest things I have done in the past few years. Although, both would say it was my idea-it wasn't!
They talked me into writing this blog after a group text conversation we had and I finally caved in.
So here we are, me writing it and you reading it. Not sure what that says about any of us.
Anyhow, I just got home from ANOTHER first date, and I thought now would be the best time to start this blog.
And before you ask why I keep doing this, just hear me out-I really do enjoy meeting people and going to new places. It's fun, it keeps me engaged, and my ability to talk to perfect strangers has improved greatly in the past few years of on and off dating.
So ponder the beneficial aspects of dating for a moment. Done? OK, back to the date.
As dates go, this one was a pleasant surprise. S was better looking than his pictures, more engaging than I had expected, and generally very pleasant to be around. Why then, do you ask, am I writing about him? Ummm... well.... because this blog is not about the simple dates now is it?
I walk in, say hello, give S a brief hug, and think, let’s see what head-scratching information is going to be served up today.
And, we engage. The conversation is going well. No lulls, just fun banter and some thoughtful conversation about jobs, life, families. You know, the usual getting to know you stuff. The inconsequential, but important information because this one may be a slightly-more-normal-than-most kind of conversation.
I have learned to watch facial expressions and body movements when meeting people for the first time, and sadly, I can usually- not always I have learned- tell if someone is going to be a future date or a one-timer. (Yes, I have been on THAT many first dates. Don't judge). And S seemed to be headed towards becoming a potential future date.
We order our brunch and continue to chat about things going on in our area, best places to camp, and whitewater rafting (S is a huge fan).
And of course, as if on cue, the what the hell moment comes popping out.
S-"So I am in the middle of a conscious uncoupling"
Me-"A what?"
S-"Conscious uncoupling. You know, like Gwyneth Paltrow"
Me-"Oh, OK. So how exactly does a conscious uncoupling work?"
S-"We like to go on vacations together, spend time together, but don't live together or anything like that."
Me-"So you are separated?"
S-"Not really, just uncoupling and I am really enjoying dating...."
Me-Keeps eating to stop myself from saying anything stupid.
Inwardly I sigh and think- you guessed it- what the hell.
I even had slightly higher hopes for this one because well, he seemed to be ambitious, educated, and... normal.
Nope.
Not even a little bit.
And before you say anything do not misunderstand. I am not knocking him for his choices, just how they affect me (this is my blog after all). I am sure that if conscious uncoupling worked for Gwyneth and Chris, then it must work for us mere mortals too.
So, I sit and smile, and listen to how this is so much better than his other two divorces...
Sigh.
To give you a bit of background history I am 48 and have been dating on and off for a few years. I give everyone two chances, a first date and a second date, to be sure that we are more comfortable with each other. I text, I talk on the phone, and I share information. I am a widow and I am not looking for a hook-up. Been there, hate myself in the morning.
I moved to Colorado a little over a year ago and figured dating would be a good way to meet people and learn more about my new home. So, I started dating. Met a man. Stayed with him for a year. And, it didn't work. So I am back to dating and apparently now writing a blog about it to share with the entire world (Thanks again J and R).
I have chosen to be on a couple of dating sites, not because I particularly like to swipe left or right or like someone's comments, but because I have learned that no two are created equal. There are some diamonds in the middle of all of the other profiles you have to wade through (One of the few men I consider a bestie came from one of those sites).
I see all types of profiles, from the I'm only looking for a hook-up, to "we" are into ethical non-monogamy, to I want to marry you now (I will have to tell you about that one another day) and every variation in-between. Old men to young men, short, tall, fluffy to athletic, you name it, I have seen it and most likely spoken to it.
Through all of the wading I have learn that we all have our thing that makes us tick, it comes in different forms and packages; and yet we are all looking for the same thing- an affirmation that we are still attractive, companionship of some form, and human connection. Even the hook-up is looking for one of those, but it is always a mystery as to which one of those three it is.
For me in particular, I just want mine tied up in a neat little (OK, tall) package, with some semblance of normalcy, where I am not sharing them with the entire female population of Denver. They have a job that is sustaining them, they keep their home semi-clean, and can carry on a conversation outside of texting. And, they will leave me alone on occasion so I can veg out in my PJs with Cujo and Whiskey (the only two males in my life who are happy to see me every time I walk into a room) a good bottle of red wine, and whatever show I feel like binge-watching that week.
(I feel like one of those memes. You know the one that says- Wants a relationship but wants to be left alone. I'm complicated)
Going through this has taught me that I can handle anything for an hour and then someone better safety text me and get me the hell out of there!
So, will I see S again? Maybe, if for any other reason than he could be a good friend and a good connection. Will I date him seriously? Nope, not even a little bit.
Why, when there are so many other fish in the sea that I can catch and release for someone else to enjoy?
In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy finding first date #4127 (if you read the intro you will get it) and take this whole dating game with a grain of salt and a large dose of humor. And who knows, I may just find the uncomplicated man I am looking for, but until then, I will keep sharing my stories.
I mean, why keep them to myself?
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