I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I remember when I was a little girl, my mother used to read books to my brother and me before we went to bed. Those little golden books were always some of my favorites.

The one that sticks out to me the most right now is "The Little Engine That Could." That poor little train kept trying and trying to get up that hill, chugging along saying "I think I can, I think I can" until one day he made it over the mountain and down the other side.

There are days when I feel like that book was getting me ready for dating after 40.

I go out on dates and say to myself "I think I can, I think I can" (Actually the chant usually sounds more like "What the hell, What the hell").

My last few dates have been an exercise in I think I can, well with maybe the exception of one.

I typically go for men who are close to my age, give or take a few years in either direction. My logic is that we have something in common, even if it is just growing up in the 80's. (In all honesty, that would bond most people. Such a weird, but cool time to grow up). This crop was no exception. All slightly older and seemingly more focused on what they want.

Saturday

Two dates. One in the morning and one that evening.

A.M. date. Met him at a bookstore downtown for coffee. Minimal conversation had ensued before the meeting, so I really had no clue what I was getting into. So, I head out for the date, and of course, I am running late. I text and tell him I will be there soon, totally forgetting it is the chalk art festival that day. Sigh.

I finally arrive, run in, and can't find him. I think well shoot, he left (I wouldn't blame him, but a text would have been helpful).

He was a nicer guy than that, but I knew as soon as he came around the corner, there was no energy. So, I sat through the date for an hour, we chatted – mainly about his business – and went on our way. Me to the chalk art festival down the road and him to, I don't really know.

I really enjoyed the chalk art festival.

Later he texted me, and we both decided to wish each other luck and move on. Simple, easy, and good feelings all around!

P.M. Date. Went to this fun tequila bar close to the house.

D (text): Running late. Be there in a few. Fell asleep on the couch.

Me (text): No worries. I am starting without you, so you better hurry up!

D: Laugh emoji

So, I started my evening with a watermelon margarita (now that sounds nice and refreshing, right? OMG! It was WAY too sweet to even contemplate, but somehow, I made it through the drink).

10 minutes later, D shows up.

We hang out for a few hours, just chatting and having fun.

D: If I didn't have my son at home, I would say we go somewhere else, but I need to get home to him.

Me: I get it. Don't worry about it.

D: Let's do something together again soon. I had fun, and you're way cuter in person.

Me: Ha! OK. Sounds like a plan.

So. D walks me to the car, and awkwardly gives me a good-bye kiss.

Now I typically don't kiss anyone the first time I meet them unless, as my friend R says, "You are talking in cursive." And, I am never quite prepared for the people who do, do that. It isn't their fault really, just how I am.

I get in the car and head home. D texts later to say he had fun and we should make plans, so I give him my phone number and tell him to let me know when and where.

And, that is the last I heard from D. (Let's all pause for a moment and contemplate why. Naw! Why waste the brain power. You, nor I, will never quite understand)

Fast-forward to Tuesday.

I had been talking (yes, actually talking on the phone) to A for a few days and he asked if we could meet for lunch on his way home from work. I say sure, and we meet at a dive bar close to the interstate that is easy for both of us.

Me: OK, I am here. Headed in, will see you in a few.

A: Running late, got stuck on a phone call. Be there in 10.

Me: No worries. (And I order a beverage)

Ten minutes later, A arrives.

A: Give me a hug! (I give him a hug, and he orders a drink).

We chat and have an enjoyable time (I am sensing a pattern here…)

A: OK, well, I have to head out. We need to meet again, though.

Me: Sure, let me know when.

And, we say good-bye. This time though I don't text right away. I figure I would give it a bit and then thank him for the drink and company. I get busy again with work and finish what I am doing. Text A to say thank you and see how he is. I get nothing. Not you're welcome. Nothing.

I figure, hey he may be busy. I'll leave him alone for a bit. That night I tell him to have a good evening and still, crickets.

Finally, I text him and say - I don't think ghosting is cool, so I am going to wish you luck and move on (did this with D too).

And my little engine keeps trudging along with my new mantra, "I think I can, I think I can."

This story doesn't end here though (OK, S, this one is for you...).

I was sitting at home last night after finishing some work and schoolwork and decided to go on app #2. Swipe left, swipe right, swipe left, swipe left, swipe right. It gets kind of mindless after a while.

My little message thing comes up.

S: Well, howdy gorgeous. What's shakin? How was your day?

Me: I feel like I should reply bacon to the first question (laugh emoji). And it was good. How was yours?

S: Haha, yes!!!! Been waiting on a girl to say bacon!

(I share a lot with you already, so I am going to skip some of this conversation. I mean, I do have to have a few secrets and to be honest, I really don't want to freak my kids out if they ever decide to read this. NOT that this conversation went like that, but still)

Me: I have had too many guy friends in my life to not have bacon be the first thing that pops into my head. Besides, who doesn't like bacon?

S: Indeed. Can't trust a bacon hater.

Me: I know! Bacon haters are the worst. Next thing you know they'll tell you there is no Easter Bunny!

S: What?!?!? There's no Easter Bunny.

Me: Or tooth fairy.

And the conversation goes on like that for a bit. Now, I must admit (and as most of you are aware), most of these conversations die after 2.5 seconds and I am bored and check out. We all do. So, I give props to S for keeping it going.

Next thing I know S is asking if I want to go get ice cream. Right then.

S: Never been asked out for ice cream after only 15 minutes?

Me: Nope! This is a first.

I am thinking to myself, well crap. I went for a run today and I stink. I don't have any makeup on and look 12, and I am wearing sweatpants, and my hair is a mess (basically my - I have totally given up on life and frequently go to Costco looking like this after a couple glasses of wine to buy a ton of things I don't need - look). But I REALLY like ice cream. Such a dilemma.

S: So, give me shit about hair and sweatpants.

Me: (laughing because that is precisely what I was going to do, gives in). I agree to meet S, for ice cream in my Spartan race t-shirt and running pants, undone hair, and I managed to slap some makeup on (I just didn't think the 12 yo look was a good one for a first-time meeting. Let's not freak the poor man out yet!)

We meet for ice cream (I joked that I will swoon over any man who asks me to go get ice cream. I mean a girl must have her priorities straight and all), have really great conversation, and agree to meet again. When I don't know, but I'll let you know when we do.

Oh! And I told S about the blog. I am still trying to figure out why, but who knows. Maybe I felt comfortable enough, or perhaps I thought it was the right thing to do (See A! I shared with someone). And I am sure he is going to read it. After all, he pretty much begged to be in it!

As for me – well for today at least my little engine keeps trudging up the side of the mountain, getting closer to the top, and hopefully, one day going down the other side to see what life is like over there.

(And, S. You made it into the blog! Congrats!)