Julie Andrews sings it best , “Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you. Getting to like you. And then you ghost me…”. Wait, what?
All too often in the land of online dating apps, conversations wax and then wane, and well, sometimes just disappear. I constantly have to ask myself; did I say (or text) the right thing? Am I being too wordy? Am I sharing too much?
I’ll give you an example:
This week I was chatting with two, ahem… gentlemen, from two different dating apps about what I was going to do this weekend. The conversations went something like this.
App 1:
J: Doing anything fun for Memorial Day weekend?
Me: Nothing super exciting. My daughter and I are talking about going to a show downtown.
J: Cool. Anything else?
Me: Well I was planning to go for a run and then maybe kayaking. My complex rents them out and I thought I would try.
J: Deletes me.
Me: Ummm…. OK.
App 2:
B: Doing anything exciting this weekend?
Me: I was going to go downtown on Saturday for a show and then hiking with my daughter on Sunday.
B: (I kid you not, I was starting to suspect it was the same dude pretending to be two different people because the conversations were so similar) Cool! Anything else?
Me: I was planning to go for a run and then maybe try out kayaking on Monday if it doesn’t rain. How about you?
B: Deletes me….
Me: Is kayaking a bad thing to do? (scratches head)
Apparently, kayaking has become something of an offensive term in the dating world. Either that or I didn’t offer some other exciting option like - “Oh, I am hopping into my jet and flying over to Iceland to pick up some amazing Icelandic hot dogs for my Memorial Day Bash on the lake at daddy’s house with my friends Buffy and Clive…(Sorry Buffy and Clive, I just didn’t want to hang with you this weekend and daddy isn’t a fan of Icelandic hot dogs).
So, what do I do? I text J and R.
Me: So, I literally had two guys today delete me because when they asked me what I was doing today I said going for a run and maybe kayaking?! Two guys, two different sites (laughing emoji).
R: What!?! What stupid guys!! What guy wouldn’t want an adventurous woman!? Yeah! Don’t need those guys!!!! (R was very expressive that day)
Me: LOL
Ghosting is an all too common practice. We ghost to get out of a situation we don’t want to be in. Or, we randomly decide because our coffee wasn’t strong enough that morning, that the person we are chatting with is a freak because they want to go oh, I don’t know - KAYAKING…. (seriously, does this mean something I don’t know about???)
Another instance…. I said Hello………I’ll let that soak in for a minute. All I said was hello.
C: Hello pretty lady. You have amazing eyes.
Me: Thank you. Hello to you too!
C: (delete)
Me……… did I use the incorrect version of too?
Or, my all time favorite, so far, from this week's crop (yes, I said this week's crop. Just go with it):
(My profile on one dating site says I am not looking for a hookup)
A: How about 20-40 hookups? How are you doing today? I love your style.
Me: Cute! Am doing well. How are you today and thank you?
A: You need to meet me. You are going to love me.
Me: Am I now? I will admit you made me smile.
A: Well, just so you know, I am actually only looking for a FWB* situation right now and I don’t think you are into that. But I thought I should tell you.
Me: (thinking, did you NOT read what I said even after you commented on it). No, thank you for letting me know. I am not really into that right now.
A: Well why didn’t you say that in the first place. AAANNNDDD deletes me.
Me: Looks at phone and wonders what the hell just happened.
*(For those of you who don’t know FWB = Friends With Benefits. Like sex, only sex, but a lot of sex without dating. They want to hang out with you, but they don’t want anything other than sex, and maybe a quick conversation, but mainly sex. No next morning pancakes, no Hulu and cuddling. Honestly not really even Netflix and chilling. Just sex on a regular basis, but on their terms).
To clarify, I have started to give my weekly conversations the name “this week’s crop”. It just seems like the perfect term for the craziness of the situation. Every Sunday, I swipe through a list of new potential dates and by Friday most of them have weeded themselves out after the first hello (literally the first hello). My friends have even started asking me how this week’s crop is going. I am not sure how I feel about this.
Urban Dictionary explains it best (sorry Mr. Einstein): The definition of insanity, is doing the exact same f@*king thing over and over again, expecting shit to change. That. Is. Crazy.
And yet what do I keep doing…. the same thing over and over again! How can you not laugh and the ridiculous things we do to try to find our perfect person? I do. Every. Damn. Day. (in a slightly crazy way).
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